BHFH Digest—August 6, 2026

Photo: Housies strike thoughtful poses during the Spring retreat

Dear Friends,

For those who haven’t met me yet, I’ve been living at the House for the past 8 weeks holding some of the aspects of Jen’s work while she’s been on sabbatical. 

Coming to the end of my (relatively short) time on staff here, I’m reminded of the value of living in community. I’ve lived in an intentional community in Lebanon, NH for the last 6 years (a home I’ll return to shortly). In that time, I’ve become accustomed to the style and rhythm of my home. 

Here at the Friends house, I’ve had the opportunity to experience being a newcomer to a home again—the soft struggle of learning a new place, taking the wrong stairs, feeling out unwritten rules, and navigating the awkwardness of living near strangers. 

It conjures some empathy for the many people over the years who have told me that communal living isn’t for them—that the work of being vulnerable alongside so many others in the intimacy of their own home is unappealing, scary, and risky. 

I’ve often dismissed those concerns quickly, noting that there is so much to gain in the bargain of communal living. I’ve often thought of it as a practical exchange: you have more, challenging conversations, but gain an economy with many hands making less individual work! In short, we ease our household labors by taking on the difficulty and slowness of process and consensus. 

However, simplifying intentional living to an exchange of labors misses something significant: the power of process. Those familiar with Quaker practice will not be surprised by this. Much like a meeting, which comes together knowing itself to be more than the sum of its members, a communal home comes together and finds that there is much to be gained from the act of gathering itself. The process of living together (creating consensus, resolving conflict, coordinating the many moving parts of individual lives) creates something bigger and more impactful than the good lives residents could live independently that more than off-sets the cost of proximity.

So, returning to my home up north with its own flavor of mis-communications and mis-coordinations, frustrations over changing too slowly or too quickly, labors over practices and policies, and overall struggle to align the lives of its members, I’m reminded to Trust The Process.

In the light,

Kellen Appleton

Interim Operations & Community Support in Residence

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